


Coffee Stains

by hisoillu



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, and then everything goes wrong, content warning for that, cute boys have crushes on each other, mito and ging are only mentioned, no happy ending, the zoldycks are abusive to kil, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25502029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisoillu/pseuds/hisoillu
Summary: Killua is allowed one hour per day outside the walls of his family's illustrious estate. Killua spends one hour, every day, cozied up in the window seat of his favorite coffee shop in all of Padokea. There was something about that quaint little shop that kept him coming back every day, to the point that most of the staff knew his fake name and order, depending on the time of day, by heart. That's why this day in particular sticks out to him. Looking down at the gnarly coffee stain flung across the white fabric of his shirt, he remembered the black-haired boy that was responsible for it, huffed out a detestable sigh, and picked up his pace.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	Coffee Stains

Killua is allowed one hour per day outside the walls of his family's illustrious estate. Killua spends one hour, every day, cozied up in the window seat of his favorite coffee shop in all of Padokea.

On some days, he'll arrive early, ordering a hot americano and people-watching, pondering about the average lives of passersby. He'll think over his anonymity and wonder if it's something to be grateful for or not. Killua couldn't count on one hand the amount of times he'd hear whispers from customers, gossip and suspicions about his very family, some of which so abstract that he'd find himself biting his cheek to keep from guffawing at the naivety. He keeps his head low as they pass the sibling, the son, or sometimes the killer of the face printed on magazine headlines, completely none the wiser. Killua doesn't agree with his family's "business," don't mistake him. He just finds entertainment somewhere in the slight disarray of an elitist community of Padokeans, still keeping their veneer-lined smiles wide despite the ever-telling bags under their eyes. Even when they knew they were in danger, the city kept their facades up. They'd take their pride with them to the grave, and that, to the Zoldyck family, was their greatest weakness.

On other days, however, he'd come to a halting stop, catching his skateboard with one hand and swinging open the glass door, being greeted by the chimes of the hanging bells at the entrance. With a cheek-to-cheek grin, he'll order the sweetest variety of smoothie the coffee shop offered that day. He'd spend around 10 minutes there, catching his breath from all the energy he had just spent skating around the winding cobblestone streets, always leaving just enough time for the short trip home. That 60 minutes are usually some of the best he experiences for a while, so he never wants to risk them being for naught by arriving home just a second later than permitted.

There was something about that quaint little shop that kept him coming back every day, to the point that most of the staff knew his fake name and order, depending on the time of day, by heart. That's why this day in particular sticks out to him. Looking down at the gnarly coffee stain flung across the white fabric of his shirt, he remembered the black-haired boy that was responsible for it, huffed out a detestable sigh, and picked up his pace.

Killua was already running late, the watch on his wrist reading 3:57. He only spared himself 3 minutes to be back at the estate, and while he knew he would be fine, that doesn't rule out the possibility of unexpected bumps in the road. He had to be on his way. Grasping his backpack in one hand and his skateboard in the other, he used his body weight to swing open the front door. Much to his dismay, it quickly became apparent that he was using all of his senses besides sight when his body collided with somebody rushing in from the opposite direction. Killua's guard went up immediately, the way it's been conditioned to, his eyes shooting daggers at the assailant. "Watch where you're g-"

"I'm really sorry, I'm sorry," the boy insisted through a futile attempt at quickly collecting his belongings. "That was my fault. I'm so sorry. It's about to be my first day here, and I was running late. I shoulda been looking in front of my face. I'm sorry."

"Woah," Killua murmured, incapable of much other than that. "D-Don't worry about it. Here, let me help you." There was a slight lag between his words and actions, his body stunned as he perceived the innocent, wide brown eyes looking up at him so apologetically. The fire left his veins as quickly as it had arrived, and he himself didn't even know why. Shaken by this stranger's impact, he knelt down nonetheless and assisted him in picking up his things.

"Thank you, I'm really sorry again. My name's Gon. If you come back and I somehow still have this job, I'll buy your drink to make up for it. I gotta get inside." And just like that, he disappeared inside the store, leaving Killua with his jaw slack on the sidewalk.

* * *

The following day, Killua had all but forgotten the event that unfolded between him and Gon. He followed his routine like any other day, enjoying his limited time outdoors and generally keeping to himself. He expected the day to pass as usual, including when he stepped foot into his resident coffee shop. It was getting late, the afternoon sun washing the expensive-looking machinery in a warm golden hue. Once it was his turn at the register, he observed the menu momentarily before deciding on his usual: strawberry banana. He was halfway through his order when he noticed... Gon, was it? staring at him from behind the register. "Oh, um, hey. Glad to see you're not fired yet."

Gon laughed, a melodically innocent tune, and Killua felt the reverberations of his light voice pierce directly through his heart. "Yeah, me too. I don't think yesterday could have gone any worse if I tried." Focusing on recollecting his training, Gon fussed with buttons on the cash register until the price totaled what Killua was used to seeing. "I don't think I caught your name between my string of apologies yesterday...?"

"Oh, it's K-" Killua clapped his hand over his mouth, shocked at his own carelessness. He had an alias for when he went to public places, but he just almost gave away his identity in front of all these people. He sighed internally, knowing well enough that it'd only have taken 5 seconds to take the memory from them all, but digressed. Guess his nickname will have to do. The K already escaped. "You can just put Kil."

Killua didn't fail to notice the slight tremble of Gon's hands as he gripped the paper cup and scribbled his name onto it. "Do you want anything else?"

"That's alright, just the smoothie should be good, thanks." Killua reached into his pocket for his wallet, flipping through for the adequate Jenny to cover the bill.

"Woah, what're you doing? I told ya, it's on me today. Don't worry about it." With a  _ ding, _ the register popped open and Gon covered the bill with his acquired tips. "It'll be ready in a second!" Gon said with a cheery smile.

"T-Thank you, Gon." Killua hated the feeling of his cheeks being flushed, and he was sure Gon noticed his embarrassment, whether he mentioned it or not. He huffed, stepping towards the pickup counter. Who was this boy? Better yet, why was he making Killua so crazy?

To his relief, when the drink was ready, a different barista called his name out for it. He collected it with a quiet thank-you and made his way towards the door. Not for any real reason (that he wanted to admit to himself), he didn't want to stay long today. He decided he'd take the smoothie to the park and watch the water for his last fleeting moments of the day.

When Killua lifted the straw to his lips for his first taste, he almost dropped the drink clean on the concrete. Gon had dotted the "i" in Kil with a little black heart. He wanted to scream. With a sheepish pout, Killua sipped the drink and prayed that the frozen sweetness would cancel out the heat that once again overtook his cheeks.

* * *

On the third day of knowing Gon, the situation was turned on its side. Killua wished he could forget about him and have a peaceful, uninterrupted day, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get his voice out of his head. If he were a coward, he'd simply go somewhere else for refreshments, but he wasn't. He was a brave boy, so he did what anyone with the hindrance of a crush would do: he spent an extra 15 minutes making sure his hair was sitting the way he liked and changed up his outfit.

Maybe if he was lucky they wouldn't cross paths. It's unlikely that they'd have someone they just hired working three days in a row, right? Plus, Killua was up early today. He needed a pick-me-up. The times he's encountered Gon were always in the late afternoon. Yeah. He'd be fine. The odds were on his side, there was little to no chance they'd see each other today.

"Good morning Kil!"

Gon's bright tone was sharp in contrast with the small gathering of groggy people awaiting their morning coffee. Killua groaned, sending a wave Gon's way and taking his place in the back of the line.

Once at the register, he confirmed with the barista that he wanted his usual to stay, paid for it, and then settled into his comfort seat by the window. It'd probably be a minute or two until it was ready, as the store is always busy in the morning. Killua stared out the shop window, watching as the fog dissipated from the city's streets and his tired eyes. A short while had passed since he placed his order so he began to shift out of his chair to retrieve it, but was interrupted by none other than Gon, taking the spot across from him, a beverage in each hand. "I have no clue how you can drink these things," he said, sliding the ceramic mug across the table. "No sugar?"

"That's where you're mistaken." Killua grabbed a handful of sugar packets from the condiment basket, tearing them open and dumping them into his americano with reckless abandon. "Don't you have to go back to work?"

"I'm on break, actually! Do you mind the company?"

Great. "No, not at all." 

"Where are you from?" Gon asked.

Killua paused. Oh, how to answer that. "I live near Kukuroo Mountain. What about you? I haven't seen you around town before."

"Yeah, I'm new around here." This perplexed Killua. People really never came or left from Padokea. He himself had only left the city once, accompanying his brothers for a job. Other than that, he had plans to leave for the Hunter Exam soon, but he didn't even know where to begin when it came to convincing his family of that feat. "I'm trying to find my dad."

The rising sun peeked through the buildings across the street, painting Gon's eyes a warm honey brown. Killua looked away before he noticed him staring. "Trying to? Any leads?"

"Not really. My dad's a pro hunter, and he does a great job covering his tracks." Gon sighed, suddenly downcast. "I don't have any real memories of him. He's been abroad since before I could walk."

"Well, where do you come from?" Everything Gon said fascinated Killua more, and though he knew any attempts at friendship were futile, he couldn't help but indulge at least a little.

"I grew up on Whale Island. It was just my grandmother, my aunt Mito and me. The island is so tiny, I've explored it shore to shore. I kind of decided it was time to start seeing the rest of the world, and maybe some day I'll be lucky enough to bump into Ging along the way."

Killua simply nodded, listening but not knowing much of what to say. Part of him wanted to argue with Gon, explain to him that anyone in their right mind wouldn't chase the tail of somebody who so clearly didn't want to be found. But, he didn't. Instead he settled for listening to Gon's stories about his childhood, and suddenly it started piecing together for him. He clearly admired his father and it made sense that he would want to follow in his footsteps to become a man just like him.

The life Killua had was the only life he knew, and he was complacent in that way. It hurt him realizing the free-spiritedness of adolescence. He was so busy training to inherit his family's business that he never saved a moment to consider what he was missing out on. He wished, for the first time, that he could experience a breath of free air. Killua yearned to feel audacious. His head fell into his hands, a long sigh evaporating from his chest. Thinking like this was futile; there was nothing he could do to change his fate, and he had to let the pipedream go.

"I've gotta get back to work now, will you be here tomorrow? They've got me on one more day and then I'll be off." Gon stopped, turning over a thought. "Maybe when I'm not working we can hang out! There's plenty for me to see around here."

"Every day," Killua said, standing as well. His time was ticking away and he wanted to take his time getting home today. "I'll see you, Gon," he waved goodbye, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.

* * *

For the first time, Killua felt a spring in his step when he entered the coffee shop. As promised, Gon was hard at work behind the counter, juggling a number of ingredients in his grasp. "Yo, Gon!"

His voice must have startled Gon, because Killua watched him drop his spoon into the latte he was working on, defeatedly crushing the foam. "Hey, Kil! Just a second." He quickly finished off the drink, placing it on the pickup counter and untying his apron. "Boss, I'm taking an early break today!"

Killua observed their exchange, the store manager shooting a sideways glance in Gon's direction. It quickly dissipated at the sight of Gon's bright, ear to ear smile. Killua smiled too. This kid really knew how to work anyone. "How's your day going?"

Gon reached down into the refrigerator before stepping beyond the counter, promptly handing a strawberry banana smoothie to Killua. "Better now. Let's get a change of scenery, yeah?"

Killua's head was absolutely spinning, so he just nodded dumbly and followed Gon out of the shop.

The pair walked down the sidewalk, occasionally sipping their fruity drinks between light conversation. Killua pointed out the other shops he liked visiting, and Gon hung onto every word. One in particular piqued Gon's interest, so into the video game shop they went. "Do you have a JoyStation?" Killua asked.

"Actually, I don't," Gon responded, laughing nervously. "I had one at home when I was younger, but I sold it to help Mito with expenses." Gon was quiet for a moment, his eyes scanning all the different games on the shelving. "Do you have one?" Killua nodded. "Maybe we can get together to play sometime soon."

Killua just nodded again, not having the heart to tell Gon that they'd never be able to spend time together at his home. His family disapproved the idea of Killua ever making friends, deeming them unnecessary and a distraction.

Shortly after exiting the game store, they made their way to the neighboring candy shop, filling goodie bags to the brim with sweets and spending a shameful amount of Jenny on them. Killua was elated to find that Gon's favorite candy was chocolate robots, too.

"Oh, geez, we lost track of time!" Gon tensed slightly looking at his watch. "My break's ending. You coming with?"

"Actually, I've gotta bounce," Killua said, equally as uncomfortable. The time read 8:59, meaning he had less than 60 seconds to be back at the estate. "Catch ya later, Gon!" Exchanging a wave, they parted ways.

The digital clock on Killua's wrist read 9:01 when he approached the front gates. He held his breath, hard, hoping that maybe if he entered quietly enough his tardiness would go unnoticed. He summoned his most basic ability, his Shadow Step, before pushing open the testing gate.

"You're late," a voice was heard from somewhere to his left.

"I got lost," he mumbled, not wanting to meet his brother's gaze.

Illumi snickered, taking a step closer. "You know, I was thinking about letting it slide, but since you decided to lie to me, I'll be reporting it to Mother."

"You're a real dickhead, you know that?" Killua shouted towards the back of his brother's head. Illumi didn't respond; Killua was left to follow behind him sullenly, like a fool. One minute too late. One minute.

One minute was evidently enough time to send his mother into a panic, because as soon as he entered the foyer she was badgering him about his whereabouts. "Kil, you're so precious to us, how can you be so reckless? You could have died for all we knew. I almost sent Gotoh looking for you." Killua was silent. "Be in the isolation room in 5 minutes."

The mention of that room made Killua wretch. "Mother, is this really necess-"

"You've got to learn some way or another, don't you? 5 minutes. Don't be late."

* * *

Gon had off work the following day, but he went to the coffee shop anyway. He and Killua agreed to meet there as a common place, and Gon was the first to show around 2 pm. He stepped up to the counter and ordered both of their favorite smoothies before returning to the table in the corner that he knew Killua liked.

Picking at his fingernails, Gon waited anxiously for Killua to show. He couldn't have forgotten, could he? No, it was impossible. Killua said he came to the coffee shop every day. He'd be there, sooner or later.

But he never showed.

After an hour of waiting, Gon stood, taking hold of the two untouched, melted smoothies, dropping them into the trash can and leaving the shop with a mix of sadness and worry clouding his mind.

Had he done something wrong?

* * *

30 days.

One full month passed before Killua was allowed sight of the outside world again. He spent the month doing nothing but thinking about Gon. Wanting, wishing that he could reach out and tell him that he would be back. To tell him that he would never stand him up. He bore the torture and interrogation inflicted on him from his family, because he knew the more he complied the sooner he'd be let back out. A month was a long time, but maybe it wasn't too late. It could have ended up much worse for him.

"Half an hour today," Killua's mom insisted at the dining room table. "Not a second longer. Do you understand?"

"Yes," he deadpanned, cleaning his plate and escaping to his bedroom. Killua knew the hot summer sun would be beating down on him, but in the best interest of everyone involved, he opted for long sleeves and pants so as not to attract any attention. There was just one too many whip marks scattered across his skin for him to play it off as an accident.

"I'm off!" Killua called to no one in particular, shutting the door behind him. And off he was.

Bright and early, it was barely a minute after the store's opening when Killua burst through the coffee shop's entrance, immediately scanning the staff for any sign of Gon.

"Hey, kid, long time no see," one of the baristas greeted him. "What'll you have today?"

"An americano to stay, please." Killua considered asking about his friend for half a second before deciding that it couldn't hurt. "Is Gon working today?"

"Gon?" The barista pondered for a moment before responding. "Oh, the young one. He actually quit about a week or so ago. Mentioned something about going home to his family. Sorry, bud."

"Oh." Killua felt every vein in his body turn to ice. "Um, I'm gonna hold off on the drink for a while, sorry." In an instant his appetite was gone.

So it was too late. Killua had gotten too careless in the name of spending time with Gon, and his family made him pay for it. Slumping into his vacant corner seat, he let his head fall into his hands. He felt everything and nothing at the same time. The idea of Gon feeling lost and confused, alone in Padokea, left Killua in tears. He never showed emotion, but this just shouldn't have happened. He opened up to Gon, he made the first friend of his life and he managed to ruin it in a matter of three days. It was all his fault, and he had no choice but to sleep in the bed that he made.

Maybe Killua's family was right. Maybe he wasn't wired for friendships. Before Gon, Killua never experienced a feeling of dread quite like this. He yearned for an undo button, whether it be to go back to the day they lost track of time together or to before he even knew Gon, he didn't know. He just wanted things to be back to his twisted idea of "normal".

The more Killua turned over his thoughts, the more he felt rage take over his body. His family was wrong. They sheltered him for his whole life because that's all they knew, and he was fully aware of that. They had a picturesque version of him in all of their minds: a cold-hearted assassin with no interest besides getting jobs done and getting paid. Because that's who they all were. But that wasn't him. It never was him, and it took meeting somebody incomparably special to make him open his eyes.

Killua decided that day, in a coffee shop in the Republic of Padokea, that he would be better. He would lead a life with meaning. He'd stand for something he believed in, and die proud of the life he led. He knew exactly where he needed to start to achieve freedom, to achieve happiness.

Listening to the bells jingle for the last time, Killua exited the coffee shop and made his way towards the island's docks to buy an airship ticket to Whale Island.

Killua was going to find Gon.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hi this is my first time posting on ao3 in my life so i hope it's received well by everyone <3 i'll probably start the second part to this very soon so if you're interested keep an eye out!!!! kudos + comments are welcome, don't be afraid to be constructive!


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